All I want for Christmas is
by TheThotAudit
Summary: Christmas. A time of joy, splendor, and presents. During this fine time, Kagura misplaced his Santa for their special event at the Yabiko mall. Luckily, he found a replacement in the form of a Grim Reaper. Of course, Rachel couldn't miss such a spectacle.


**Happy New Years to you all! 2018, the year of fighting games, has arrived! Here I am with a fic I wanted to do for quite some time, and with the help of Apprentice Trashman, I finally finished. I wanted to post this on New years or Christmas, so if this seems a little "unfinished" let me know. Enjoy!**

Christmas themes and jingle bells echoed through the crowded Yabiko mall as chatter from the passing patrons accompanied the catchy music. Just like any other year, the mall was jam-packed with citizens and tourists either eyeing the Christmas decorations or waiting before the main event with their children: Santa Claus. Sitting on a large chair atop the stage, surrounded by decorations and stuffed reindeer was the king of Christmas himself; however, he was not as jolly as the tales foretold. He was PISSED. But…this _is_ Ragna we're talking about… Wasn't the most holly jolly fellow in the world.

 _Ok. Why the hell am I doing this shit again?_

Ragna asked himself that for the umpteenth time for the night. The Grim Reaper scratched where the red Santa hat itched. Long lines of needy kids stood before him with each one griping over what they wanted for Christmas this year, especially the one he was taking care of now. He stared blank-eyed at the small child, groaning, pleading, and begging for him to just get the hell off his leg before he had to make him. For what seemed like ten minutes now this one kid bombarded him with requests. Santa really had his work cut out for him this year if brats had a list as tall as that masked freak…

Kagura is so fucking dead when this is all over, Ragna thought. This morning, while Ragna was minding his own business, the Colonel bulldozed him in a panic and asked him for a favor. From what he could remember, Kagura needed a replacement Santa because their original Santa went missing. How? Don't ask me… Why? He had a pretty good idea… These kids were a pain in his jolly green ass. Ragna wasn't really clear on the specifics. He kinda zoned Kagura out after he punched the rambling Colonel off him. But no matter how many times he tried, no matter where he ran, no matter where he hid; no matter what he did, Kagura just kept hounding him. Shit, and he thought Tao was stubborn—this idiot beat that mooch in every regard.

Ragna figured, at least on fucking Christmas, he'd get some time alone with no one to bother him. But did he? Hell no. Instead, he got snot-nosed—and I mean that quite literally—brats who begged him for gifts he knew damn well they weren't gonna get. Jin and Saya were never like this on Christmas… At least to his knowledge anyway. A day playing with him was all those two needed to satisfy them, but these kids needed a flying fucking car!

"I want a dog! And I want a cat! And I want a train! Oh! And I want a car!"

"Is…that it?" Ragna was afraid to ask.

"Yep!"

"Good. Next!" Ragna called out.

"Wait, you didn't tell me Merry Christmas yet," the young boy said.

"And I don't have too. Next!"

" _Ragna…!"_ Kagura groaned in his earpiece.

"Son of a…!" Ragna muttered under his breath, later deadpanning, "Ho ho ho. Yadda yadda yadda. Merry Christmas. Leave me some milk and a plate of cookies—you know the drill." The Reaper said as the boy left his lap, leaving it open for the next.

" _Can you TRY and act more jolly?"_

"Oh, I'm sorry that the GRIM REAPER is such a downer," Ragna growled.

" _Just do it for the damn kids. They came here for Santa Claus, not the Grinch. Just try and be nice for once?"_

"Fine…" Ragna shook his head. This wasn't worth it. These kids all sucked their fingers and picked their noses and always tried to pull on his beard; if they try to pull on his beard one more time, he would throw his beard off and damn well ruin Christmas because quite frankly, he couldn't give a rats ass about the holidays. Same old same old for him. Not like he had anything planned, or he should say, anyone, to spend it with. Honestly, the babies might've been the best because all he had to do was wave at them and he was as good as gold. Besides, most of them fell asleep by the time they reached him, which made it even better.

 _I swear to god if I have to ho ho ho anymore, I'm gonna go to jail for strangling these kids…_

"Merry Christmas," Ragna said to the child that now sat on his lap, her hair curly and hazel eyes matching its color. "Now what the fu—I mean…! What do _you_ want for Christmas this year?"

"I want to get into the NOL when I grow up!" The child eagerly answered.

"So you wanna die an early death kid?"

" _Goddamn it, Ragna!"_

"Ugh…! That's faa~ntastic! Santa will definitely grant your wish." Every word that came from Ragna lacked emotion, along with his expression, but the kids couldn't see, so there was no problem there. Guess this beard had its uses after all besides itching him.

"Thank you, Santa! I knew you could do it! You can do anything!"

"Except get you to shut up apparently…" Ragna muttered. "Next!"

"Mr. Ragna, please," Hibiki, his elf for the night, whispered to him. "Just try and be a good Santa. We've been getting non-stop complaints all night because of you."

"Then you should've asked someone else to do this shit," Ragna whispered back. Now thinking about it, the only reason why he even agreed to this was to shut Kagura up. The Colonel followed him around, begging him to be Santa. No matter how many times he said no or how hard he tried to hide, Kagura found him and the begging continued. He just had enough of his shit, and while he wanted to just knock him out by force, he didn't want to deal with the hassle. One night, he told himself. This had to be the longest damn night of his life. Ragna had forgotten how stupid kids can be. All they ask are the same fucking questions time and time again.

Yes, he's fucking Santa Claus!

Yes, Santa Claus is on a diet now!

And fucking yes! Santa has a red eye!

These kids had no fucking manners or regard for space whatsoever. He's already gotten reprimanded eight times for trying to spray some kids with Febreeze. It's not his fault these kids smell like they've been playing in cow shit. Especially that one fat kid who's breath smelled like Bang's underarm.

"For now, just power through it. Look alive. Here comes another child,"

"Ugh…" Ragna turned to his next child and groaned. The kid looked like a disfigured mule…and his two friends standing on either side of him looked just a disfigured. Who he assumed to be the eldest out of the three arched a brow at Ragna before sitting on his lap. The Grim Reaper had been hearing these particular group of kids all night long… He's lost count on how many girls they hit on while waiting in line, and without surprise, no luck.

"Hey, you're not really Santa, are you?"

 _NOT THIS BULLSHIT AGAIN!_

"Yes! Yes! I'm Santa Claus! Can't you see the beard and hat!?"

"But you aren't fat,"

"I've been hitting the gym! Mrs. Claus told me too! Now! Lance. What do you want for Christmas?" Ragna asked with deep breaths. He didn't know how this kid did it, but he struck two of his pet peeves for the night in one go.

"Hey, how do you know my name buddy!?"

 _Mmm… I don't know? Maybe because you three idiots were shouting your names all fucking night!?_

"I'm supposed to know your names. I'm Santa, remember? I know all your names," Ragna said.

"Really? Then…what's her name!?" The brat pointed out to the next person in line, a girl with chubby cheeks and dark curly hair.

 _You fucking kids just can't make this shit easy!? Let's see if I can just bullshit this… Ah! I know!_

"Don't you see? That's not just ANY kid. That's my helper!" Ragna said as Hibiki face palmed along with Kagura who heard Ragna's half-baked lie. "I asked her to disguise herself as a kid and go undercover, just in case I missed any naughty kids I need to put on my **list**. So, unless you want to be added to that list, hurry up and ask me what you want for Christmas."

"My wish is the same as theirs: we want to be able to get a girlfriend. Every time we try and ask a girl out, they always say no and call us ugly."

 _That's because you look like Arakune's love child…_

"Don't listen to them," Ragna lied. "Don't worry, just keep trying, and you'll get a girlfriend."

"How did you get Mrs. Claus Santa when you're so fat?" The boy asked.

"I wished upon a star," he said blandly.

" _Really?"_

"Bite me…" Ragna muttered.

"Hey Santa," the boy that stood on the left called the man's attention back to them. "Why do you have a red eye."

"Why do birds fly?"

"I don't know…"

"There's your answer. Next!" Ragna shouted as the three kids left to go back to their parents and he groaned when the parents shot him glares. What he wanted to do was flip them off, but when Ragna pulled his beard down, he found that they at least knew how to read lips. Visually appalled, the parents walked away with their children as Ragna sunk into the chair and snickered. That might've been the most enjoyable thing he'd done tonight. The Grim Reaper felt a gaze on his right to find Hibiki staring blank-eyed at him.

"Really?"

"What? They had it comin'…" Ragna bit.

"We are supposed to be making people happy," Hibiki said.

"And I have been," he responded.

Hibiki sighed. "Well, you have one more hour anyway… Let us… Oh, my." Ragna's brow arched to the surprise that now took over Hibiki's expression. What could possibly…? Oh, no…

"N-No…! How did you—!?" Ragna's eyes stretched like saucers as his face turned clammy, beads of sweat running down his face. He lifted his trembling finger to point at his visitor. He couldn't even speak. His throat and dried, and his face turned pale. What in the twelve days of Christmas was SHE doing here!?

"Hehehe…! Now, this truly is a surprise,"

"Rabbit!" Ragna sprang from his chair. "What in the seven hells are you doing here!?"

"Is it not obvious? I came to tell Santa Claus what I want for Christmas," a wide grin had graced her lips. She didn't think it to be true. Ragna? Working as a mall Santa!? She overheard his conversation with Kagura and she thought it to be a spectacle to see THE Ragna the Bloodedge dressed up in a Santa outfit. But she knew Ragna well enough to know there was no way he would ever dress up. Lo and behold...here he was. Attending to the many children that still believed Santa was real. By now, Rachel assumed Ragna would have blown his cover, but he had surprised her. If children can have fun with Santa, why can't she? "I believe you are obligated to listen to my requests, are you not?"

"The hell I am! You're not even a kid! So why the hell are you here!? Wait a minute… How the hell did you get up here so fast!? Did you cut the line!?"

…

…

…

…

…

"…Rachel that's just wrong… That's low. Even for you," Ragna sighed to the vampire's impatience. Guess he couldn't say he didn't expect that from her. It'd actually surprise him more if she waited; instead, she used Slave Red to cut the line. It was childish, but kinda in a cute way. Patience wasn't her strongest point after all. It would've surprised him more if she actually waited in line for her turn.

"Oh, hush up. Now, I believe you have a job to do," Rachel said, giggling.

"Why you little…!"

"Now, sit back down 'Santa'… Hehe!"

"I am SERIOUSLY gonna make you cry…" Ragna growled. Unable to argue or fight back, he sat back down on the chair, blushing when Rachel sat on his lap. "Hey! The hell are you doing!? Get off me!"

"Now… What do I want for Christmas?" Rachel tapped her chin in thought.

"Stop ignoring me!" Ragna yelled.

"Is that how Santa Claus talks to his children? I thought you spread joy throughout the world," Rachel said with false sadness.

"Oh, you can just go and fu—!"

" _Just get it over with, Ragna. We won't get anywhere otherwise. Besides, why the hell are you complaining? I know I wouldn't be."_

Ragna groaned and cursed a storm under his breath before forcing a smile. "Merry Christmas! Now, what do _you_ want for Christmas?"

"I think you're missing a line~"

A harsh blush turned his cheeks red, and after a minute of groaning, he finally spoke his missing line. Honestly, who the hell came up with this shit? "Have you…been a good girl? Santa…doesn't like when you are…naughty. My dear child…" Wow, that did NOT sound right…

"Fear not, Santa Claus. I have been a good girl this year."

 _Yeah, right. Count all the crap she put me through, and this Rabbit deserves nothing but coal._

"I see…" Ragna gave a _'ho ho ho'_ then said, "I bet you have. Now, is there anything you want for Christmas? Hurry up because Santa Claus is VERY. BUSY."

"I shan't take up to much time. I know how busy Santa Claus is on Christmas. If I were to report you to the police, I wonder how much reward money I would attain?"

"Wha!? That ain't even funny!" Ragna snapped. "Just tell me what you want for Christmas before I turn you into a fruitcake!" The Grim Reaper held a staring contest with the vampire, a bit curious as to why she hushed and why she was smiling like that, and...why she was so close—holy shit! Ragna blushed hard as he realized how close he was and withdrew then averted his gaze from hers. Rachel giggled when she saw his color changed and found his rather childish reaction cute.

"Oh? What is the matter, Ragna?"

"You're too damn close! Back off!"

"But you were the one approaching me." Rachel countered.

"Then why the hell didn't you stop me!?" Ragna asked.

"I figured I would oblige you," the vampire responded.

"Wha!?" Ragna growled when Rachel began to giggle. "Damn it will you stop teasing me and tell me what you want for Christmas before I stuff you inside a gingerbread house!" The Grim Reaper shifted his gaze away from her once more as he felt a deeper shade of red burn his cheeks. Rachel had to admit; this is the most fun she had had in an age. This man never ceased to amuse her. A genuine smile curled her lips as she began, her cheeks now matching his.

"It is not an onerous task. To be quite frank, I have desired this gift for forever and a day." Ragna faced her again, confused by her sudden change in tone. Her voice was soft, melodious, and he had to ask himself if this was really Rachel. The woman that constantly belittled him; the woman that nagged him time and time again; the woman that electrocuted him when he mistakenly dropped her cake. Was this the same Rachel Alucard? "It has been at the top of my wish list. In fact…it is the only thing I have on my wish list. Though I have never received it on Christmas, I feel a little lucky this year to ask the one and only Santa Claus."

Ragna grew curious about her wish from her odd manner of speech. What the hell could be so grand, yet so far out of reach, that Rachel herself had yet to obtain it? The platinum thought back to her mansion, and her in general. The vampire was one of the most powerful beings he knew, and while he would never say this to her, she could kick his ass with her eyes closed. Getting what she wanted wasn't a problem for her. Anytime she required something, she either went to fetch or asked Valkenhayn to get it.

"There is someone's attention I've been meaning to grab for quite some time now, but I have yet to succeed in catching his eye."

 _He?_

Ragna's eye twitched.

"His attention is one I have been yearning for for a while now."

"O-Oh, r-really now...?" Ragna's brow twitched even more as he felt anger boil his blood and pump faster through his veins. _'He'_? Who the hell is _'he'_? Ragna made a valiant effort to keep his anger from his expression and vented it by clenching the chair arm, only to hear the wood crack. The Grim Reaper managed to keep his frustration from his expression and voice to avoid suspicion, but that chair arm was toast. "Can you tell Santa a bit about him so he could give you some advice? Like what is he like? What's his hobbies?" 'Where the fuck does he LIVE!?'

"He and I are rather close, you could say. We have known each other for quite some time and he is one of the few people I consult with. Though, he is rather foul-mouthed and has no class. That buffoon should count himself lucky I waste my time talking to him. Not only that, he is a reckless, obnoxious, loud-mouthed idiot that constantly makes a fool out of himself. He is completely oblivious to the world around him and hasn't the slightest bit of gravitas. He doesn't even accept my invitations to tea." Ragna quirked a brow. "For as long as I've known him, he has yet to build is vocabulary an iota. His very presence vexes me, yet, at the same time, he provides me with much entertainment on boring evenings I can not think of a time where I did not have the urge to tease him."

 _Wait a minute... Is she...talking about...?_

Ragna found himself lost in thought and blushing harder than ever. Who she was describing seemed so familiar. How couldn't it be?

 _Does she mean me?_

He was brought from his thoughts as he found Rachel's arms latching his neck as the vampire turned her body to face him and buried her face into the crook of his neck. Was he so lost in thought he hadn't realized what was going on? The hell was going on with her? Did all that tea finally waste her brain or something? Ragna just sat there, unable to move his arms or even speak. The way she was acting was so weird...but it was cute. The glimpse he managed to catch of her bright red face and the twinkle in her eyes was a rare treat indeed. Ragna audibly gulped when she held him tighter and his heart pumped more blood through his veins than ever before.

"You know them quite well," her voice was silvery and barely audible, almost embarrassed. "He is nearly impossible to miss. His face is posted all over the world, and he has the world highest bounty on record. He also makes an adorable Santa Claus..."

"H-Hey, Rabbit, are you ok? Seriously, you're freaking me out over here…"

Rachel smiled then brought her lips to his ear.

"You wished to know what I want for Christmas, did you not, Ragna? So I told you," Rachel said.

"W-Wait, Rabbit, what are...?"

"All I want for Christmas," Rachel giggled softly then whispered in his ear, "Is you, Ragna." Rachel gave his cheek a peck that opened his eyes to saucers before she vanished into thin air. The moment she did, the twinkle in the children's eyes came back which signaled the vampire took her leave; however, now Ragna was lost just like those kids were mere moments ago. He placed a hand on the cheek Rachel pecked and caressed it. Did…that just happen? But wait, what did that mean? Wait, what the hell did that mean!? Did that mean what he thought it meant!?

"Hey, Rabbit, you get back here! What did you mean by that!? Hey! Come on, Rabbit! Don't leave me hanging like that!" Ragna was just ready to chase after Rachel but stopped when he heard what seemed like laughing in his ears. His body tensed then as he realized the communicator in his ears was still on and Kagura heard the entire thing.

With Kagura, who stood on the side holding back his laugh, held his hand over his mouth to keep it contained, but he couldn't. Laughs exploded from the Colonel as he hunched over and slapped his leg, unable to hold it in anymore. Now that's what he called getting blue balled. The Colonel soon stopped when he felt a deadly presence, and by the time he turned to face it, he saw Ragna had taken to the air and his fist collided with his face. Parents, children, and workers alike beheld the sight of Kagura getting the ever-loving shit beaten out of him by Santa Claus and unbeknownst to Ragna, Rachel hovered above and watched him.

"What a fool you are, Ragna... You had best hurry..."

 _What did she mean by that?_

Rachel rested a dainty finger on her sensual smile.

"You know how much I detest waiting... Hehe!"

 **Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! And to all a good year! There's gonna be a continuation of this. Leave a review if you wish it so.**


End file.
